No Guarantees This Christmas

This holiday season, send your friends an e-card, courtesy of Santa's Lawyers.  Please note the "disclaimer," written by my friend Anonymous Lawyer:

"This happy holidays greeting should not be interpreted as a guarantee that your holidays will be happy. Santa assumes no liability for the side effects of happy holidays, which may include weight gain, gastric reflux, sudden drowsiness, family discord, or pine needles all over your living room floor.

By asking for presents from Santa, individuals consent to the use of their names and likenesses for promotional purposes. All wish lists submitted to Santa become the property of Claus Enterprises, Ltd. and will not be returned. Santa reserves the right to substitute items on your wish list for goods of an equal or greater value.

Santa's presents are manufactured in a facility that may process peanuts.

Inclusion in Santa's "Naughty" and "Nice" lists is entirely at the discretion of Claus Enterprises, Ltd. Any legal claim arising out of inclusion on Santa's lists shall be settled by binding arbitration governed by the laws of the North Pole. "Naughty" and "Nice" are registered trademarks of Claus Enterprises, Ltd., and may not be used without permission.

Lawyers who worked on credit default swaps are "Naughty" by definition, so long as Santa's 401-K is down 30 percent or more from its historic high.

Do not ask Santa for your holiday bonus. It's not coming. Neither is next year's.

For the home delivery of presents, Santa requires a chimney opening of at least 18 inches, freshly baked cookies and milk. Failure to comply with these requirements may result in damage to your toys. Please see Santa Claus Rider, Part C, for further details as to Santa's refreshment requirements, including the temperature at which Santa's milk will be deemed acceptable. Any material breaches of this rider may result in the postponement of the holiday season until March.

Santa is not responsible for delays in the delivery of presents caused by the Transportation Security Administration's Do-Not-Fly List.

This e-card may not be used as a flotation device.

This e-card does not imply the formation of a lawyer/client relationship between you and Santa, you and Santa's Lawyers LLP, or you and the ABA Journal. For specific legal advice regarding Santa and Santa-related issues, including but not limited to beards, hats, elves and reindeer, please consult an experienced attorney.

You better not pout. You better not cry.

Santa's Lawyers LLP is not affiliated in any way with SantasLawyers.com.

This is not an offer to sell securities."